Just a week ago a new Vogue article dropped, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, and the internet did what it always does—lost its mind. TikToks exploded. Women took to TikTok posting video montages of their boyfriends with the caption “Oh British Vogue how wrong you are.” And yet, most of these reactions have one thing in common: they completely miss the point.
Here’s the thing, most people didn’t actually read the article. They just saw the headline and ran with it. Chante Joseph, the writer behind the piece, wasn’t saying it’s “embarrassing” to have a boyfriend. She was saying something way deeper, that in 2025, when women have more freedom, flexibility, and opportunity than ever before, it’s embarrassing to center your entire identity around a man.
Let me repeat that: the embarrassment isn’t about being in love, it’s about making your boyfriend your whole personality.
And honestly? Watching the backlash unfold kind of proved her point. All the “British Vogue is wrong” videos and boyfriend montages are just one big, flashing sign that people didn’t read past the title. Either that, or they read it and refused to get it, which, in both cases, is pretty embarrassing.
This piece hit me deeply, because being a young woman right now means living through a massive cultural shift. Our generation of women, Gen Z and millennials, are navigating adulthood under circumstances no generation of women before us ever had. Statistically, women are marrying later than ever before. In the 1950s, the median age of marriage for women was around 20. By 2020, that number rose to 28. Today, nearly half of women marry after 30. That’s not just a statistic, it’s a reflection of freedom.
A New Standard
Women today are living alone, moving to new cities, and building their own lives, many as the first in their families to do so. And yes, the world still isn’t perfect. Misogyny, double standards, and social pressure still exist. But for the first time in history, so many women have the mobility, resources, and independence to choose themselves first.
What Joseph’s article is really saying is that in a world where women can do almost anything, it’s no longer aspirational to define yourself by who you’re dating. It’s not “cool” to make your entire online presence revolve around your boyfriend. It’s not empowering to brag about being “chosen” when you could be building something of your own! It’s not that love or relationships are embarrassing, it’s that being male-centric in 2025 is. Because if your boyfriend is the most interesting thing about you, that says less about him and more about how much you’ve limited yourself.
What’s so genius about Joseph’s article is that she only interviewed women in relationships. Not single women, not “man-haters,” but actual women who are dating or married, who have firsthand experience with what it means to love someone without losing yourself. That was the entire point.
In today’s world, being a woman who doesn’t center her life around men is radical. We’re raised in a Western heteronormative culture that tells us from childhood that our value lies in being “chosen.” So for women to unlearn that, and instead say, “Actually, I’m the main character of my own life” is something to be proud of.
When Vogue publishes a piece like this, it’s not attacking women in relationships. It’s about celebrating the fact that we’ve evolved past needing validation from one. You don’t get a standing ovation or a prize just for having a boyfriend anymore, and that’s a good thing.
The point isn’t to shame love; it’s to shift the focus. Relationships can be beautiful but they shouldn’t be your brand. In 2025, being a woman means having options, power, and self-definition. Having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing, but losing yourself in one might be.
So no, Vogue isn’t wrong. What’s wrong is pretending that the only thing worth talking about is who you’re dating. Because if the only ribbon on your present is a man, maybe it’s time to realize you’re the only reason we are celebrating.
Sources-
Vogue article – https://www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now
Stats – PMC9616076
Tiktok video example – https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8DyKfUd/
